Clue: People don’t roll out of bed looking like that and just idly wander on to red carpets, into very public stores, and into world leaders’ domains because they are grieving over their lost privacy and wish—sniff, sniff—we would just leave them alone…booohoo boooooohoooo. Are you kidding? Their bank accounts and kids’ trust funds depend on them milking this great performance till its very teat falls off from all their desperate yanking. :)

That this is what our country has come to is astounding to me, that we put on a pedestal such wishy-washy people is so disturbing to me that I am on a mission to shed some light on it. That we fall for this hype is so very disappointing. “Scary Smart?” Please. Show me the degrees. Show me something substantial—-don’t give me pictures of her in black veils looking tragic and emaciated beside human beings who have no choice but to be starving, and don’t give me quotes from a group of star-struck men (The U.N.) who think because you wear a subdued pencil skirt and simple make up that you must know the difference between Communism and Fascism…I mean shouldn’t someone who is appointed a U.S. Ambassador have a college education? And, hey, if you can get her to name the last ten presidents of the country that’s made her so rich, then I’ll declare her a genius right along with you. I’m afraid it would be easier for her to name the last three decade’s most influential designers than to give us any PROOF of this so-called scary smarts or super-genius IQ. PEOPLE, just because someone can pretend really good doesn’t make them CIA operative material. And, as far as her being really clever at manipulating the media, who cares! Any woman with great cheekbones who looks really cute pregnant can do that. It ain’t rocket science.

There are many, many people out there putting their lives in danger every day not just in between movies, red carpets, and summer stays at a French chateau that costs in one night what it would take to feed a small African province for a year. OH, THE HYPOCRISY!! And these “real” heroes aren’t worrying about getting a facial peel that morning so they can look wan and organic as they stroll through a heavily-guarded village while cameras flash. They’re worried about some rogue government taking them away in the night because they’re trying to give some villagers the tools for a happy, healthy life.

This woman is a great actress and she’s very pretty and she’s proven that she can steal a mate and procreate and gather children at lightning speed. And, like many other lovely actresses before her, she can do charity work, BUT MOTHER TERESA SHE IS NOT!! These people live in luxury (don’t give me any nonsense about donations or frugality; they give some not all and probably a lot less than they would like you to think)—-they live in splendor and they made all that splendid money because they are pretty and can pretend and because of the luck of timing. When Angelina moves in to a trailer down the street and starts spending her every waking moment reaching out to the dying and despairing then I’ll consider the Mother Teresa comparison. Mostly I just see her coming out of toy stores or showing off her Adderall-sculpted post-twins body. And anyone who believes you lose that much weight naturally just wants to believe these people are genetically mutated super humans. Oh, if you only knew what they have access to!!

Because I am a child advocate and because so many of you are actually falling for the pretty covers (TELL ME YOU’RE NOT BUYING THAT TRASH) you see in the checkout line, I’ve got one more shout out….this one is for all the children wearing skull and crossbones onesies —cause their mommy and daddy are still trying to be cool:

PLEASE, PLEASE no more pictures of you breastfeeding.

WE get it!! You’re the perfect earth mother now. If we promise that we’ll have the memories of you as a bi-sexual, knife-obsessed, brother-come-here-and-let-me French-kiss-you, billy-bob-blood-exchanging, adulterer surgically removed from our brains will you PLEASE just stay home and take care of these human beings you’ve brought into this world and adopted.

Kids are kinda funny in that they’re not at all like adults…wow, go figure..I guess you and Brad didn’t read that book…kids don’t get an adrenaline high if they see the slums of India and tour the Louvre all in the same day; they just want to be in their own bed every night. Save the philanthropic globe-trotting and showing off for after you’ve survived all those hard, boring years when you’re just trying to develop their characters so that they won’t grow up to make other human beings miserable from their selfishness and immorality. That would probably do more good than a thousand speeches to the U.N. It may not be as sexy, but,hey, one normal adult usually begets another and so on. That’s how we normal folk help save the world,….the hard way. Ironically enough, the molding of a decent soul is a pretty unglamorous undertaking and usually,—- sorry to denigrate that elaborate war-themed birthday party—(HEY, I THOUGHT YA’LL WERE AGAINST WAR?)—anyway, usually, our kids don’t need us to be cool, they just need us to be normal.

It’s nice to know that I’m just not talking into the wind.